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An Open Letter to the Mayor of Amateurville (Email Exchange)

Location: 
Southwestern USA
Type of Gig: 
corporate
What follows is an e-mail exchange between a drummer/bandleader and a bass player.

R***,
We still would like to have you on bass, but help us out a little.
You have the song list; how familiar are you with those songs?
Will you be able to comfortably lay down the groove for these tunes (in --singer--'s key signatures) or is it going to sound like amateurville? The end of November is only two or three weeks away from December 11th. And Thanksgiving will throw another wrench into it, because no one will want to rehearse during that week. So, how much time does that give us?
We are all busy, too. Our lives are full. But, each of us makes time to rehearse with the band because we care about how it is going to sound.
Yet, as I said, we still want to have you on this job. --Singer-- and I like you as a person, and we think you are a superb bassist.
Will you commit to performing with us on December 11? Can you assure us that you will be well-prepared? Will you rehearse with us at least three times before the gig?
Please e-mail us your response.

Regards,
J****


J****,
I've always liked you both as people also, but this isn't about personalities. What it is about is that I don't have any free evenings to give you. I'm not just busy, I'm really busy! It's the nature of my business this time of year. Besides, with three rehearsals this gig becomes a $50 gig on a Sat. in December! I won't even address the 'amateurville' comment.

I think you would be more comfortable with someone else who can find the time to rehearse. Best of luck to you.

R***


Dear Mr. Patitucci,

I meant no offense by using the term "amateurville".
I was in no way implying that you could ever sound like an amateur.
We know you could walk on stage and blow away any other bass player on the planet. Please forgive the further offense of even suggesting that you would need to rehearse. And to not even get paid for it -- heaven forbid! How foolish of me!
Thank you, Mr. Patitucci, for even deigning to consider working this job with us.

So long, from "amateurville",
J****


An open letter to the Mayor of Amateurville:

Your last e-mail is proof positive of your amateur status. Any other professional would have said 'I understand that your time is valuable, and limited,' but you're NOT a professional. The only reason any decent players would consider playing with you is the money, and the fact that --singer-- isn't a bad singer. Other players (good players) that I have confided in about your NEED to start rehearsing in October for one gig in December have invariably responded with rolling eyes, chuckles and one 'this guy must be a BAD motherfucker!' (chuckle chuckle).
I can tell that this exchange has struck a chord with you (a chord is three or more notes played together), testament to your insecurity. I was told that this would be your last gig, that you were giving it up. Probably for the better. Singer has GOT to be relieved that she doesn't have to listen to your crappy time and weak fills anymore. I am certainly glad that I don't have to drag the band through three hours of you bringing up the rear.
I'm sure --sax-- can find a bass player who has time to rehearse and fix your crappy charts. He is a fine player and knows plenty of cats who need the work. I have eight gigs this week and don't need the work (or the bullshit).
Best of luck to you,
R****
master bassist

p.s. at least you know who John Pattitucci is....

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