I was playing in a 5-piece society band in the mid-1980s that also played some clubs on the side. So, although we knew how to rock, we didn't have much chance to with all of the weddings we played. The agent called and said that he found us a rocking job, the pay was pretty good, and that the women there were beautiful.
The job was for the school for the deaf. I kid you not. The agent said to crank the bass and drums and they'll love it.
So we get to the job and everyone there is very nice, and it's true, the women were very attractive. We play very loud. Extremely loud. It's a nice JBL PA, Crown and BGW amps, sub woofer. Nice setup.
We used to introduce a slow song "Just the Two of Us" saying that "it was written by a very good friend of the band: Mr Grover Washington Jr". We said that just to be cheesy - making fun of how people are always dropping names "in the business".
In this iteration of the band, we had a very obnoxious front man from New Jersey. Thinking that the crowd was deaf, he embellished on the song introduction. He said, "we're going to do a song from a very good friend of ours Mr Grover Washington Jr." Then he went on to say very graphically that he performed a particular sex act every night on each of the band members. We were howling with laughter. I probably threw up a little bit in my mouth from how outrageous the introduction was.
At the end of the set, one of the dance coordinators came up and both signed and spoke the words and said "you know, some of us have partial hearing".
When the Beatles came out in '64 I was a Freshman in college. I bought a Strat and started practicing a with my roomate who played piano. That summer at home we picked up a drummer and another guitarist and practiced in my bedroom.
I mentioned I had a band to a friend and he was putting on a dance that Saturday night and asked if we wanted to play. We weren't really ready, but who turns down a gig, right? He asked what the name of the band was and since we hadn't thought about a name, I said I'd tell him at the gig. At our one rehearsal before the gig I came up with a last minute brainstorm for a name and a manner of dress for the band.
We didn't see the guy again until after the gig, which I thought went reasonably well. I asked him what he thought. "Ok, I guess, except for your name", he replied, shaking his head.
I had us, four clueless white guys, dress all in black, with an enlarged playing card on the bass drumhead. Then we came out on stage, I walked up to the mic on my first ever gig and said "Hi, we're the Spades!".
He had to explain it to me.
I Played in a band with some guys for a long time, and one of the gigs was for a country club. The gig went well and at the end of the night we were tearing down the equipment when this beautiful lady and her husband walked through and out of the room we were in. The keyboard player and leader of the band looked at her and said quietly "there is something about a rich bitch in a tight dress."
Apparently, the lady's hearing was much better than he thought. She turned around and came back to the band, asked "what did you say?" to the keyboard player. He turned 100 shades of red and said he was sorry for the comment. Fortunately we didn't get fired, but we never let him forget it!
Our band was about to open for some locally popular bands and we were sitting outside waiting to go on in 10 minutes. Someone just mentioned that a radio DJ (who I really didn't care for) was going to show up at our gig. I said loudly "who really gives a %&*! I don't like that #@%! anyway! He was actually standing right behind me at the time waiting for me to move out of the way so he could get into the bar with his girlfriend. His girlfriend shot me the dirtiest look and they walked in.
I felt pretty stupid because of my loud mouth. Then just before we were to go on they told me that DJ was going to announce us. I thought he was going to slam us because what I said about him outside or at least give us a lack luster introduction. Instead, he was a professional. He announced us as "a local band, soon to be national!"
Needless to say I apologized to him after the show and thanked him for the great intro. He was a very nice, I even like him on the radio after that incident.
So we'd played the first set. They fed us at the gig, so I was standing at the buffet table loading a plate. The honoree of the event was to my left.
A very attractive girl came to the buffet, took a little something to eat then wandered over to the bar. Darn she was hot! Slim and tall in a tight, silky cocktail dress that kept no secrets.
I calmly turned to my host and in the most dignified tone I could muster said, "there is no doubt in the world that tart is not wearing any f***ing panties."
The host called her over. I thought my luck was in. He asked me my name, I told him, and I thought I was in for a treat.
"Simon", he said, "this is my daughter Angela. Angela this is Simon - the guitar player I just fired."
Well at least I got something to eat.